Rude and Defiant

Question:

My name is Vicky and I am a mother of an 11-year-old going on 12 son. This has been the most trying year I have had with him. He is rude when speaking to others, swears, defiant, disruptive, and argumentative, and lies. He has escalated this year to the point that last night he was kicked out of our Tae Kwon Do academy until he can rationalize his behaviours to our Master. I am in the midst of reading Positive Discipline and do believe that it works, at the same time I am struggling with thinking up consequences for these types of behaviour that are both kind and firm.

I was not raised in this form, rather I was raised with fear of my father and so I did not do most of these behaviours. I understand the empathy part, but what do I do if I can’t empathize with him because I was not in those types of situations? I am at my wits end with him and really would like to have a good relationship with my son. I am tired of being disappointed and embarrassed by his behaviour. I’ve told him calmly many times that I want more than anything to praise him more and to have more good times with him, unfortunately the battles are coming between us.

Please help

Thank-you