Refuses to Cooperate

Question:

Dear Dr. Nelsen,

I have a son in the 1st Grade. When things don’t go his way, he refuses to cooperate. He either becomes a “statue,” a “limp rag doll,” or becomes defiant in other ways. I have read your book “Positive Discipline” and my husband is in the middle of reading it. I have given him choices as you suggest, and he responds with “neither.” Then I’m stumped. His teacher just called and told me he wouldn’t cooperate in Drama. I talked to my son to try to figure out if he was afraid of being on stage or what he was feeling. He said he was sad because this was the worst day of his life. It was difficult trying to ascertain his feelings over the phone. He wanted me to come get him and take him home. I think he was shocked when I said I couldn’t come. Are we doing the right thing? What other suggestions do you have? We would appreciate any help. Thank you.

P.S. We are having our first family meeting tonight and today’s problem is going on the agenda.