My son is beginning to call me stupid, hit me, and says he hates me.

Question:

A little background: My son is 4 years old. My husband and I went through separation, divorce, and now a property settlement/custody case. My ex-husband was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, in front of our son.

Now my son is beginning to call me stupid, hit me, and says he hates me, especially after his visit to his father’s. Then, in public, he will demean me and talk back, in which people give me a raised brow for. I’m not sure what to do.I try to teach him that we don’t hit people, instead we talk about how we feel. As far as discipline goes, I’ve tried soap in the mouth, time outs for him, time outs for his toys, taking privileges away, and focusing on his good behavior. I’m beginning to think spankings are the only way to go. But I don’t know how to justify spanking him, since I tell him not to hit. Can you offer any advice? Since his father is still mentally and emotionally abusive to me when he picks our son up for visitation, how can this be re-enforced at his father’s?