Lying

Question:

“I don’t know how to get my child to stop lying. We have tried very hard to teach high moral standards. The more I punish him, the more he lies. I’m really worried.”

Answer:

(An excerpt from the book Positive Discipline A-Z)

Understanding Yourself, the Situation, and Why Children Lie

We have searched and searched and can’t find a single adult who never told a lie as a child. Actually we can’t find any adults who never lie now. Isn’t it interesting how upset parents get when children have not mastered a virtue they have not mastered themselves? We do not make this point to justify lying, but to show that children who lie are not defective or immoral. We need to deal with the reasons children lie before we can help them give up their need to lie. Usually children lie for the same reasons adults do, they feel trapped, are scared of punishment or rejection, feel threatened, or just think lying will make things easier for everyone. Often lying is a sign of low self-esteem. People think they need to make themselves look better because they don’t know they are good enough as they are.