I Messages

Excerpt from Positive Discipline Tools for Teachers

by Dr. Jane Nelsen and Dr. Kelly Gfroerer

Too often students (and adults) blame others for their feelings by saying, “You make me feel _____.” This is not true. No one can make anyone else feel something. They might invite you to feel something, but you always have a choice. One way to help your students take responsibility for their feelings is by teaching the skill of using “I” messages.

Ask your students to make a list of things other people do that invite them to feel annoyed or angry (that is, what bugs them). The list might include things such as cut- ting in line, gossip, and not being invited to join a game. Let them know it is okay to exaggerate when they are brainstorming to make it more fun.