How Do You Motivate a Teen?
There are many reasons why teens lack motivation to do what parents want them to do. (You’ll notice they don’t lack motivation to do what they want to do — talk on the phone, skateboard, shop, party, etc.) For now, I’ll mention just a few:
- Parents nag and invite resistance.
- Teens feel “conditionally loved” — “I’m okay only if I live up to your expectations.” This hurts and they get even by failing.
- Children aren’t allowed to explore the relevance for themselves. They are “told”, but they don’t explore. How many parents “tell” their children what happened, what caused it to happen, how they should feel about it, and what they should do about it? It is much more effective to ask what and how questions as in No. 4.
- Parents don’t allow their children to learn from failure — an excellent motivator. One of the best ways to help children learn to be responsible (motivated) is to be consciously irresponsible. Allow them to fail and then be empathetic and help them explore what happened, how they feel about it, what they learned from it, and what they could do in the future if they want another outcome.
- Regarding motivation to do chores, etc.; again teens are too often told instead of invited to brainstorm and come up with a solution that works for everyone. Teens are much more motivated to follow a plan they have helped create.
