Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Parent

Question:

A friend of mine recently lost his wife and his 8 month to be born daughter. He does not know how to break the bad news to his 3 year old daughter. What do you think will be the best approach???? Any other advice???

Thank you so much for helping me help him… Jorge

Answer:

Dear Jorge, My name is Jody McVittie. I am a family doctor and part of the team that answers questions for the Positive Discipline website. This question doesn’t really fit in the “discipline” category…but I will answer it “human being to human being” (with some help from my background as a doctor helping families deal with tragedy). I am presuming that the mother and baby died in some kind of accident or medical emergency (rather than divorce or separation) as I answer the question.

The simple answer is to be honest. But that is not so easy. The father obviously is going to be grieving the loss of two loved ones already….and in addition suddenly has sole responsibility for another loved one. It is a huge task.
Three year olds do not understand “death” the way adults do….but they absorb it to the best of their ability. The important messages to convey are:
Something VERY sad happened.