GOAL DISCLOSURE
by Dr. Kelly Gfroerer and Dr. Jane Nelsen
Wait for a calm time (not during conflict) to talk with a student in private. A friendly atmosphere is essential. Ask the student for permission to make guesses about why he or she is behaving in a certain way. Let the student know that he or she can tell you if you have guessed correctly or not. (This is usually an intriguing challenge to the student.) Ask the questions below, one at a time. If after any question you get a yes or a recognition reflex (for example, a spontaneous smile even while saying no—the no is an automatic denial, while the smile suggests that the student has subconsciously gained a deeper understanding of herself), you can follow up with plans for the student to get her needs met in ways that are positive and empowering. If no clarifying response to a question occurs, go on to the next question.
- “Could it be that you do this particular behavior to get my attention?” (Undue Attention)
- “Could it be that you want to show me I can’t make you do as I ask?” (Misguided Power)
- “Could it be that you feel hurt and want to hurt back?” (Revenge)
- “Could it be you believe you can’t succeed and want to be left alone?” (Assumed Inadequacy)
