Discipline Without Yelling, Hitting, or Spanking

Question:

Answer:

Hi. My name is Cheryl Erwin and I am one of the co-authors of the “Positive Discipline” series. I am also a marriage and family therapist who works with families and children. It isn’t hard to hear the frustration and confusion in your question, as well as your desire to parent your children in ways that are both loving and effective.

It’s probably impossible not to have any “negative attitudes” towards children, who have a gift for pushing buttons and being annoying at times. But what you feel can—and often should—be different from what you actually do. As a parent, you will often feel irritated, angry, hurt, confused, and annoyed, but the most effective actions are those that are kind and firm at the same time.

Hitting, spanking, and yelling are punishments, actions that most parents feel uncomfortable doing but think they don’t have an alternative. I think what you’re searching for are ways to discipline your children so that they learn responsibility, cooperation, kindness, and respect.

“Discipline” means “to teach,” and it usually works best when it happens consistently, all day long.