Connection Before Correction – A Positive Discipline Success Story

We had just finished Vicki Dolan’s Positive Discipline class at Children’s Playroom in the morning.  Most of it was review, but I picked up a few bits of information and one of the things I wrote down was “connection before correction.” I haven’t tried to implement that particular tool very often, but I had the perfect opportunity that night.

My kids were arguing over who was going to feed the hamster. My 9-year-old asked my 4-year-old to do it.  He got frustrated and yelled, “I always have to feed him,” and THREW the bowl of food all over the kitchen floor.  My first thought was to yell at him to pick it up immediately and get nasty with him.  But I thought I’d give this new technique I learned a try.  So I very calmly held him in my arms and said, “You sound like you’re angry because you are tired of feeding Niblet all the time.”  He grumpily replied “YES!” with a long winded explanation of how he always has to feed the hamster and he doesn’t want to do it.  I told him I could understand how it’s frustrating to feel like you are always doing the work.  He nodded.  I then pointed out that there was hamster food all over the floor and it probably wasn’t going to pick itself up.  I asked him how we could get it off the floor?  He suggested the vacuum; and I asked him if he wanted me to get it for him so he could use it for the food.  He said yes and proceeded to vacuum up all of the hamster food.  Amazing!