Children DO Better When They FEEL Better

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?

Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?

Take time to close your eyes and remember a recent time (or a time during your childhood) when someone tried to motivate you to do better by trying to make you feel bad. Remember exactly what happened. Get in touch with how you felt. Be aware of what you were deciding about yourself, about the other person, and about what to do in the future. (Even though you were not aware that you were making decisions at the time.)

Did you feel motivated to do better? If so, was it a good feeling, or was it based on negative feelings about yourself and/or the other person? Did you feel motivated to give up or to cover up so you could avoid future humiliation? Or, did you want to become an approval junkie—giving up a big part of yourself in order to please others?

Children do not develop positive characteristics based on the feelings and subconscious decisions they make as a result of punishment.