We have become vividly aware of how skilled most of us are at being enabling with our children, and how unskilled we are at being empowering. Our definition of enabling is, ʺGetting between young people and life experiences to minimize the consequences of their choices.ʺ
Enabling Includes:
- DOING TOO MUCH FOR THEM: Doing things for kids that they could do for themselves, (bailing them out after bawling them out). “I can’t believe you have procrastinated again. What will ever become of you? Okay, I’ll do it this time, but next time you’ll just have to suffer the consequences.”
- GIVING THEM TOO MUCH: Buying everything they want, cell phones, cars, insurance, clothes you can’t afford, CDs, junk food. “Honey, I thought you would do your homework after I bought you a car, a cell phone, clothes I can’t afford, and gave you a big allowance.”
- BRIBING AND/OR REWARDING: “You can have a new CD, allowance, cell phone, if you do your homework.”
- OVERPROTECTING: What to wear, when to wear coats so they won’t get cold (as if they are too stupid to know or to learn on their own), picking their friends, extreme fear of danger. “Honey, you hurry and do as much as you can now while I pick out your clothes, and warm up the car so you won’t be cold when I drive you to school.”
- HOVERING: Doing their laundry, waking them up in the morning, making their lunches, driving them places when they could walk or ride a bike, excusing them from helping the family because they have homework. “I just don’t understand. I excused you from chores, I woke you up early, I drove you everywhere so you would have more time, I made your lunches. How could this be?”
