Positive Time Out

An excerpt from Positive Time-Out

Many parents and teachers say “Go to your room (or to the corner) and think about what you did.” I’m amazed that many adults don’t know the answer when I ask, “Do you know why that is a ludicrous statement?” They come up with all kinds of responses such as, “The child might be too angry to think about it.” “He might fall asleep.” “She might not understand what she did wrong.” All of these statements are true, but what is ludicrous is the assumption that we can control what a child thinks. A look of awareness appears on their faces when I ask, “Do you really think you can control what a child thinks?

I go on to ask, “What do you think the child is really thinking about?” The answers range from, “She is probably thinking about how angry at me she is,” to “She is thinking about how to avoid getting caught next time” to “She may be thinking about how to get even with me” to, worst of all, “She may be thinking she is a bad person.” None of these thoughts help a child do better in the future.