When is a Child Old Enough to Choose?

Question:

Hi Dr. Nelsen,

We seem to be having morning issues with my three-year-old daughter. She wanted to wear a dress this morning even though it was a little chilly out. My husband put pants and a shirt on her and she was practically convulsing on the floor in anger. Do you think a three-year-old should be able to choose her clothes for the day? Thanks for any help that you can offer.

Tracy,

Answer:

Dear Tracy

Oh my goodness, you are going to be in big trouble if you don’t start letting her use her personal power in useful ways—unless you enjoy power struggles. Sounds like you are making the mistake many parents make in the name of love—over parenting.