Sex Exploration

Question:

My five year old son is currently in preschool and will attend Kindergarten next year. I took him and his seven year old brother to eat and play at McDonald’s today as a treat during the seven-year-old’s spring break. My five year old pulled down his pants and showed his private areas to the older boy who was playing with his brother. I remained calm, but took the boys home and explained that we wouldn’t be going to the movie. I also explained to my youngest son that this behavior is inappropriate and will not be received by his peers or teachers. I’m not sure what else I can do! I suspect that he wanted attention and to play with the older boys and got a reaction. I was very disturbed by this behavior!

Answer:

Hello, Ellen. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and one of the co-authors of several of the Positive Discipline books. The sort of sexualized behavior you describe in your letter is always disturbing and embarrassing to parents, but I believe it may be a valuable opportunity to teach and explore boundary and privacy issues with your son. It sounds as though you already did this very well – and, adding the punishment (because of your fear and embarrassment) was not necessary. You will understand why when you read the attached excerpt from “Positive Discipline A-Z.”