Complaints and Sandbags

Question:

I’ve been reading with interest your website and hope you can help me. We are a family of 4, Mom Dad and 2 boys ages 7 and 10. My 10-year-old is the one I am having problems with. Everything seems to be chore for him. For instance if I ask him to put something somewhere for me he says he didn’t put it there in the first place however if I ask his brother to do the same thing he just asks me where would I like him to put it. He is a clever boy with no learning problems in school he is constantly in the top 5, however he constantly complains about the amount of work he has to do and from the moment I collect him from school he just gives out about the homework and the teacher. I have tried to be positive towards him and have joked about the car being a complaint “free zone”. I have spoken to his teacher and she says she has to ask him to do things 3 or 4 times before he does it. We also have this problem first thing in the morning. He takes ages over his breakfast and has to be hurried along, I have to constantly repeat requests to do his teeth, put his lunch his school bag etc. I have even got the family up earlier in the morning to give him more time. By the time he gets to school I feel drained. The same thing happens at bedtime. He goes up and reads until I call for his light to be switched off – come up to tuck him in – all very happy and loving but we have several visits down the stairs with me sending him back up each time by which time I’m angry at him and stressed. I have explained to him that night time is now adult time and that Mom and Dad need time together but to no avail. I’ve tried to be consistent with him and have sat him down to discuss all these issues but to know avail – Please help.