Rude to Grandparents

Question:

Hi! I just attended Jane’s Positive Discipline Seminar and I have her book, Positive Discipline for Preschoolers next to my bed. I love all your material and it has begun to save my relationship with my 5 year old son. I say begun to save, because we’re having to undo so much of what we thought we were supposed to be doing in the name of discipline, but at least we’re trying and some things are turning around. 

The question I have is that both my husband and I have parents from across the country and they only get to see our son 1-2 times a year. After years of struggling with infertility, we adopted him from birth and he is very special to our family. He is and always has been a creature of habit, needing to stay on schedule, needing to eat frequently, etc. Then come the grandparents (usually for a week) who are so excited to see him because they don’t get to see him very often. The first day or two are usually pretty good—the “honeymoon” phase. Then he just starts to get nasty towards them. They try to talk to him and ask him questions and he just won’t respond. (Another frequent problem I could use suggestions on. His hearing has been checked and if you ask in a lowered voice, “Do you want a piece of candy?” he is very quick to respond). If he’s angry about not getting his way about something he will shout, “Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you!” or if he’s sad and they try to comfort him, etc. he’ll say, “Don’t talk to me. I just want to be alone!” or “I’m not talking to you, Grandma, I’m talking to …. ” even though no one can tell who he’s addressing his statement to.