Rebelling

Question: 

My wife and I do not know what to do about our daughter’s rebelling. She refuses to do anything that we ask her to do. She has been caught drinking, smoking cigarettes, shoplifting, and possibly using drugs. We do not want to drive her away, but we feel very strongly about these issues. I am an R.N. and my wife is a teacher.

Thanks,

John

Answer:

Dear John,

I can empathize totally with you on this one. I have a child who engaged in all the behaviors you describe. For a while I became very ego-involved. I was very concerned about what people would think about the “son” of the author of Positive Discipline. For a short while, I threw the books out the window and became very controlling and punitive (the opposite of all I write and lecture about). Of course, things got worse.

Fortunately, I went to a workshop given by my colleague, Lynn Lott. I knew she could help me get “back on track,” so I asked her to write a book with me. I knew that if I could make things work for me, I could share these ideas with others. The resulting book is Positive Discipline for Teenagers. I am pleased to tell you that, even though it wasn’t easy, the concepts we talk about in this book were very effective. My formerly rebellious son (it got so bad he went into a drug treatment program) graduated with a degree in mechanical engineering.

Of course, I can’t relate the whole book here, but I will give you a few hints: