Encouragement

Recently someone posted a discussion about a friend who is feeling discouraged about a son who keeps getting into trouble at a school that uses the colored card system. Every time he “misbehaves,” he gets a colored card and his parents are expected to punish him at home.

I had to respond to this discussion because I have a close friend who is going through the same thing. Of course you might guess my opinion of the color cards—a very dysfunctional system. Then teachers encourage parents to be dysfunctional at home by adding more punishment. Before I continue, I will say that there are many good things at my friend’s child’s school, including the teacher. The school and this teacher simply believe in Behaviorism which promotes punishment and rewards as the best way to motivate “good” behavior, which is very different from the Adlerian Psychology base of Positive Discipline. So, I will share with you the advice I have given to my friend.

Don’t add punishment at home. Keep encouraging him to focus on solutions. My friends concern was that his solution was to be sent to his room for 5 minutes and she didn’t think that was severe enough.