Follow Through

You hear a lot of talk these days about boundaries. Oprah talks about setting healthy boundaries. Parenting books explain how to set boundaries. Parents everywhere understand the need for rules. So what, precisely, is it that makes discipline so frustrating? The way I see it, it isn’t setting the rules and boundaries that’s the problem for most parents: it’s following through.

We’re usually pretty good at coming up with rules and consequences. The difficulty comes when we have to enforce what we say. Here are a couple of examples I’ve heard more than once: Family gets new puppy. Parents make agreement with children that they will feed puppy and clean up after puppy or said puppy will go to the pound. Children nod solemnly when asked if they understand. Children forget to feed puppy or think scooping poop is gross. And parents find themselves unable to follow through: “We can’t take the puppy to the pound–it’s so cute and we love it!”

Or parents tell children that if they don’t pick up their toys, the parents will take them to the Salvation Army. Children nod solemnly when asked if they understand. Toys remain scattered across the floor–and parents just can’t make themselves take all the toys to the Salvation Army.